#3 Heather's Journal Entry - Sat 7/30/16

Journal 7/30/16

12:23 PM - 1:18 PM (20 min of tremoring + journaling)

Session Date (Click the cell below, and then click the arrow button to select a date from the calendar.)      July 28, 2016

(Click the checkbox beside the number that best represents how you feel.)

Before TRE Session	(Click the checkbox beside the number that best represents how you feel.)
Sense of aliveness	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐X 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10       = 7
Sense of presence	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐x 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10     = 7
Emotional state	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐x 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10   = 6

During TRE Session	(Write as much as you like. The cells below will grow to accommodate your text.)
Body experiences/tremors	Tremored - about 20 minutes.  Tremors were mostly small some large body tremors. Some neck releasing jerks; some rhythic upper chest contractions.  Tried with eyes open and closed. Prefer closed as it feels like such an internal experience to me. Took periodic rests. Noticed tingling feeling (which I like) mostly on my skin and the relaxation in belly and limbs.
Emotional experience
Ego defense and thought	No resistance prior to starting. About 5 minutes in felt a little bit like "only 5 min in..." but that feeling went away and I just went with it. I enjoy the sensation of shaking.

After TRE Session	(Click the checkbox beside the number that best represents how you feel.)
Sense of aliveness	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☐x 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10     = 8
Sense of presence	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☐ x8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10   = 8
Emotional state	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 x☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10  = 8

Notes about today’s session

Good session. Quiet. It stimulated some thoughts so I propped up some pillows on my belly and wrote while shaking.  Wondered if some of my impulses to talk, my physical fussiness (I often will move seats in a movie theater; I will fuss with objects, often keep trying to improve a spreadsheet at work etc) - if some of that is unreleased / trapped energy and perhaps am driven a little bit my brain stem to release it in these ways. I've been shaking since last August - fairly regularly though it had dropped of in regularity and length a few months before Mod 1. But I had noticed it helped smoothed out my reactivity - emotionally, physically (startle a lot less); and  just a kind of quieter baseline. I'm looking to getting even more in my body. I talked some about self care. I've pushed self care away for most of my life. When I take care of myself it's often more of a last resort - not the first resort.  Also, had this idea that I've had a lot of energy around eating in the sense - what would be fun to eat; what's supposed to be good for me - how much yaddah yaddah. Most of my life, eating, food, wt are struggles.  It occurred to me that what if I what I chose to eat and how were based on how alive it made me feel - before/during/after - and let that me my guide.  It seems like a grounded way to eat (from the inside out) - literally; it appeals to my sense of novelty.  Every meal is a kind of adventure "will this make me feel alive and how much?" and if not, don't eat it.

Trainer notes

#2 Thursday 7/28/16 report

Session Date         July 28, 2016

Before TRE Session	(Click the checkbox beside the number that best represents how you feel.)
Sense of aliveness	6
Sense of presence	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐x 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10
Emotional state	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐x6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10

During TRE Session	(Write as much as you like. The cells below will grow to accommodate your text.)
Body experiences/tremors	Tremors were in legs, pelvis and stomach initially; when legs were quieter i.e. smaller the solar plexus shoulders, chest, and neck were more active - larger movements which feel like they are frozen shock being released.  I am PMS'ing so a feeling slow, tired, lethargic, achy in lower back.  Almost fell asleep during a short rest during TRE. Tremored about 20 minutes. Went directly to TRE i intro exercises. though I will be practicing them to ensure that I know them well for showing others.;
Emotional experience	neutral.
Ego defense and thought	a little resistance to doing TRE because I was a bit tired and hungry but wanted to do it first before breakfast.

After TRE Session	(Click the checkbox beside the number that best represents how you feel.)
Sense of aliveness	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 x☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10
Sense of presence	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐7 x☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10
Emotional state	☐1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 x☐8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10

Notes about today’s session

Good session - feeling a bit fuzzy and lethargic; lower back ache before - now it feels a little freer. Feel definitely more sense of aliveness and perked. I wanted to do the TRE before breakfast - but now I see that isn't the best "self care" - I need to eat and move around before doing TRE. I always a bit afraid that if I put something off, I won't do it or the resistance will be greater later - but I sacrifice taking care of myself to do so. Even a little bit. I think this is going to be one of my biggest learnings about TRE and doing TRE - is self care. I'm very excited to be open to taking care of myself instead of side stepping or stepping over it.  It is a way a of living, mental though processes, perspective - self care is a way of being and approaching all things. I am sure that I didn't grow up with role models for self care.  And no matter how many times people say "you should love yourself first" or "take care of yourself first" - it's translated to me as "be selfish"  or have something to eat. I think it's so much deeper and subtler. All very eye opening.  I just received the Full Body Presence book and am very excited to get into it.  Thanks!

Trainer notes

#1 7/26/16 Tuesday Journal Entry - Heather Morrison

Tuesday 7/26/16      Session #1 of 20     Heather Morrison

BEFORE
Rate:
Aliveness - 5-6
Presence: 5
emotional state: 6-7

Comment on specifics in terms of awareness of your
physical, ie energy level tension in body - I am wound up and a bit tense. I just found out that my mom has had vertigo for a few days (she's 83) and with short notice, will take her to the dr's appointment.
emotional/feelings: feeling resentful - I feel like it's the lack of her self-care impacting me. She often waits til the end  of the day or right before she needs something that she could have planned for.  Feeling anxious about how not going to work impacts my relationship with boss - disrupts a planned meeting I had.
mental states, inner dialog, resistance - I actually really want to do the TRE. Resisted doing it earlier because I was hungry and tired after work and 1 hr commute home. My mental dialog is tense and a harsh. But also mixed with that cool felling that I don't have to go into my job tomorrow.

AFTER
Body / vibrations - vibrations come easily. they range from large waves to smaller waves. I noticed that there was a kind of rhythm and pattern that repeated in my pelvis and hips - sort of a circular - like the infinity sign.

Ego defense or thoughts - thoughts were scattered and racing somewhat but that dropped away as I shook.

Emotional response - I feel a lot calmer and quite tired; I still feel a littler resentful.

Rate sense aliveness etc - energy is low but more grounded too after shaking.

LATER (that day or next day):  Wed:
Comment on what noticed:   I felt very relaxed after TRE, my thoughts slowed down a lot; realized how tired I was.  I fell asleep during "rest" after TRE. (But got up so I could make journal entry).  I fell asleep quickly and slept deeply until  about 4:40a but was able to go back to sleep till my alarm went off at 6:30a. Sleeping all the way through the night is not something I do much any more.

I am aware that that my period is due in 1-3 days. PMS for me can include, increased hunger, cravings for sugar and carbs, intense moods; mood swings  (a little hyper "up" and cranky and down), sometimes a tight lower back, "world is ending".


Journal summary - none since this is #1
(to do end of every 5 sessions)
I am most aware of:
Changes I am noticing in my vibrations, my emotional sate, my ego strength, my life:
Questions that I have about my experience are:
How do you know are ready to begin TRE to others?